My Gloriously Cloudy View

After 4 nearly sleepless nights, mom gone, and Tyson back to work after a long weekend, by myself for the first time in a month, I lug my giant baby boy - car seat and all out the front door, "click-click" safely latched into the car seat base and with a turn of the engine we are on our way to downtown Nashville and included in our itinerary is our favorite stop - Vanderbilt Eye Institute. Another pressure check.

Exhausted and sleep deprived I started to cry. I turned the radio off and just listened to the quiet. Funny what you hear when it is quiet. Sullivan was snoring and the whir of the tires on the interstate caught my attention. It dawned on me how much at that moment I identified with the over worn tires carrying me to our destination. We have had these tires since we moved here 5 years ago and they have carried us, faithfully, so many places. It dawned on me, this is what moms do. They carry us, faithfully, along our journey even when they are worn and tired.

As the tears stung my cheeks I prayed; "Lord, today I need good news. I need a bit of sunshine to get me through."

I sat in the exam chair with Sullivan almost forgetting the desperate request I made 15 minutes ago and waited for Dr. Joos. She came in and took a look at his baby blues and was surprised. She stated that she hadn't expected them to be so clear after our last visit. (His pressure had been up then.)

She was eager to get a pressure reading so we dropped the numbing drops in which always get him good and pissed off and I nursed my starving child while she probed away. Surprisingly, Sullivan sat still for both sides and her readings were clear for both eyes. She always gets the readings on both sides and then shares the much awaited info. Finally she says, "14 on the right and 18 on the left!." My jaw dropped. Two weeks ago it had been a 24 on the left. I was elated.

As if all of the good news had already been received I start to ask questions regarding the upcoming surgery. Dr. Joos informed me that she thought that we might be able to control the glaucoma with the eyedrops on the left side and that she would know better after the exam but she didn't think we would do the surgery. We might wait on the shunt and see.

What?!?!?

I couldn't believe what she said so I asked her to explain and sure enough that is what I heard. Possibly no surgery. We talked for a while and and she answered my endless questions. We confirmed the exam date and time and I was on my way. As I heaved the car seat back into the car with a smile on my face and a cheery kids song on my tongue for the benefit of my son I realized.

I had gotten what I asked for. The tears stung my cheeks again and only because of my foolish pride did I not hit my knees right there in the Vanderbilt parking lot. I quietly sat in my seat and thanked God. I had gotten a gift today. Even when I didn't expect an answer and quite possibly my request had been made in vain in the first place, my God answered me.

Today as I drove home in the rain, traffic and all, I was very aware that the tires were not the only thing I connected with. Each raindrop that clouded my view on the windshield served as a reminder of how raw this world would appear if His many blessings didn't cloud my view.